Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship

Comments

1. Guest says

   May 28, 2015 at 12:00 am

   This is a great book with excellent insight and suggestions for improving trust and your overall relationship in marriage.

2. Guest says

   March 31, 2015 at 12:00 am

   Awesome

3. Guest says

   November 28, 2014 at 12:00 am

   This book was recommended by our marriage therapist and has been a God-send to us. I highly recommend this book to any married couple, whether they are having issues with infidelity or not.

4. Guest says

   October 6, 2014 at 12:00 am

   Gary Neuman \\”gets real\\” about what it takes to build a marriage. It’s for those who are serious about making a great marriage the #1 priority in their lives. Neuman makes it clear that their are no excuses or shortcuts, if you want a Great marriage then you’re going to have to put the effort in to make it so. He points out the simple fact that we put effort into every other area of our lives in which we want to be successful. Career, Education, Staying in shape etc. And for those things, we understand that we get out what we put in to them. But when it comes to a marriage we think it’s just going to magically be great all on its own. Poor models and messages from society serve only to set false expectations about marriage. We start off our relationships with the odds stacked against us sometimes. Neuman’s process helps put us on the original track we were intended before social influences, before dysfunctional childhood experiences, before bad relationships of the past. If you get excited by the possibility of having a GREAT marriage and are willing to make it a priority then this is the tool chest that will help get you there. My favorite part is spotlighting the little things we do with opposite sex friends or colleagues that we categorize as \\”harmless\\”. In reality it’s not harmless. We are getting some pleasure or satisfaction otherwise we wouldn’t do it. Neuman challenges us to walk away from those seemingly minor gateway behaviors as they too weaken our marriage bonds. Ask yourself \\”why does it annoy you to be asked to give up those behaviors\\”? Are they that important to you? Even though they weaken your marriage? Neuman asks us to have patience to go through a carefully laid out process instead of skipping around to get to a specific problem. This is effective and unlike typical counseling sessions. By doing some groundwork first, you are in a healthier, stronger position to deal with specific problems. By following the process, you end up with more orbetter skills to address the immediate conflicts in a new more effective way. I ended up buying the Neuman Method Marriage series on DVD and I am very pleased with that. Neuman’s style keeps it real and offers solutions that we all are capable of doing right now. I will pass these on to my married adult children when I’m done. Well done Mr. Neuman.

5. Guest says

   January 5, 2014 at 12:00 am

   The detail and honesty in this book is a great way to evaluate your marriage. Most of us think we know what our relationships need. Take another look with the help in this book.

6. Guest says

   June 28, 2013 at 12:00 am

   Very nearly the author’s first words surprised me immensely "Avoid friendships with the opposite sex" [the implication is "completely and totally"] and "Codependency is essential", and that set the tone for me for as far as I read. For me, this is not a helpful book, as the overall advice seems to be "Avoid all contact with other people as much as that can be possible in normal society, and isolate yourself with your spouse and children, making them not only the center of your life [good] but the ONLY thing in your life [dangerously limiting, in my opinion.] It rings of "Avoid society, because society is tempting." in short.

   His advice is – on the surface – good and reasonable: put your marriage/spouse first. Don’t let relationships/interactions with other people take anything away from the marital relationship; nurture it and respect it and feed it. Pay attention to how your interactions with other people affect your marriage. Don’t put yourself in situations where clear, firmly established boundaries are at risk of being crossed in ways which will cause hurt or harm. But the extreme measures suggested – encouraged – here do not sound like the makings of a healthy normal life for *most* of us – certainly there are cultural and religious guidelines which dictate varying beliefs- in no way do I mean to criticize or judge that – the suggested path here reads as isolating and limiting, to me – that alone I don’t think is healthy for any partnership.

7. Guest says

   April 10, 2012 at 12:00 am

   I wish I had read this book fifteen years ago when I was first married. However even now it has helped my marriage in ways I wouldn’t have believed possible. This book flys counter to popular opinion with theories such as: ‘Be codependent on one another’ and ‘Don’t have close friends of the opposite sex’. Something we all need to hear- whether we agree or disagree with it. This book highlights the need for boundaries to protect marriage, and it is never too late to start. In ten straightforward steps, the author lays out the pattern for a successful marriage. But he also recognises every marriage is different, and the implementation of these steps is unique to each marriage. Read this alone or with your spouse. It does make a difference.

8. Guest says

   May 4, 2009 at 12:00 am

   Over the past two weeks or so, I’ve been reading M. Gary Neuman’s Emotional Infidelity, and blogging it in the same style as I did Rudy Giuliani’s Leadership. Last night, after finishing chapter two in the book, I decided it was time to find something else to read.

   I am mostly a reader of fiction, and occasionally some political or historical non-fiction. I don’t often read self-help style books. My wife and I purchased Emotional Infidelity several years ago, and after I finished reading my last book, I decided to try a change of pace while I look for something else compelling to read. It is for that reason that I decided to give Neuman’s book a try.

   As I read through the first two chapters of the book, I read about many sound principles that can be implemented in any marriage to help make it stronger. What I didn’t read, however, was anything that was new to me. Granted, maybe I needed to read a little further into the book to get to the good stuff, but how long is a reader expected to give an author to sink the hook? Two chapters — nearly a hundred pages — is more than long enough, if you ask me.

   I’ll concede the fact that this book might be golden for couples that are having marital problems. That is, if you could get them to sit down and read it together, but it seems to me that one of the first causes to marital problems is the failure to engage in open discussion with each other, and if you can’t talk about your marriage, how likely are you to actually read this book together?

   For me, the book was just more of what I already know (whether I actually practice it all or not is another story). I’ll be hitting the book stores today looking for some compelling fiction, most likely, while I wait for Ted Dekker’s next work, Sinner, to come out in September. As for those with marital problems, maybe they should consider seeing a counselor.

   Jeff Cole is an author, blogger, and podcaster. […]

9. Guest says

   March 13, 2009 at 12:00 am

   It is beneficial to everyone who really wants to save their marrige.

10. Guest says

    October 19, 2008 at 12:00 am

    This book has been mistitled. It’s not just about emotional infidelity. It’s about a whole lot more. The first chapter is the only part of the book that deals with what Neuman calls emotional infidelity – that is giving your time and attention to someone of the opposite gender who is not your spouse. I whole heartedly agree with his position. You can’t split your attention. You have to be very careful how you treat people of the opposite sex because no one intends to do anything, and it always \\”just happens.\\” Neuman’s plan is that you focus your attention on your spouse so that you are so busy with your spouse you don’t have the inclination to give anyone of the opposite sex the time to worm their way into your life – in the place where your spouse should be. The rest of the book is a marriage manual for how to create a great marriage. And Neuman is honest: it takes a lot of work. You have to put a lot of energy into creating the marriage that you want. And both of you have to participate. Neuman includes good exercises that helps people who may not know exactly what to give their spouses or who do not know exactly what their spouse wants from them. He also writes about dealing with children in a marriage and how the marriage must come first. This book is for good marriages and for any marriage that is in trouble. If you grew up in the US, you have emotional baggage that you need to recognize and deal with, so you can use the information in this book to make your marriage better no matter how good it is right now. One thing I did appreciate was that Neuman took the cheating partner to task and remonstrated him or her for their bad behavior and told them that it was their responsiblity for what they had done. He should have done that in The Truth About Cheating. I enjoyed this book much better than his new one. I felt that he expected the guilty spouse to take more responsibility in this volume.

11. Guest says

    February 19, 2008 at 12:00 am

    Thank you, Gary Neuman, for graciously expressing the heart of the marriage promise…and how certain assumptions weasel their way between spouses and reduce what should be the most profound and requiting relationship of one’s life to merely a working arrangement between acquaintances – or worse, divorce. I wish more counselors would read this book…and quit trying to fix troubled marriages by advising us how to \\”fight fair\\”, \\”communicate effectively\\” and \\”discover your own sense of identity.\\” Mr. Neuman is on target: spouses must NOT waste their energy on others instead of protecting and investing themselves in one another. This is the foundation of a healthy and happy relationship. Also of note: Great practical guidelines for men and women to follow if they want to have a marriage – and reputation – of integrity!

    Post Script, 2011: Four years ago, I read this remarkable book and asked my husband to also consider Mr. Neuman’s thesis, a very pertinent point for our struggling marriage. He agreed, read the first chapter, but somehow, in all the hustle and labor of his corporate travels, conventions and business-meetings-over-three-meals-a-day, \\”lost\\” the book in the bottom of a piece of luggage or moving box. After one particularly extended business excursion, he returned with a third wedding ring, which I found \\”hidden\\” in the box which originally held our wedding rings from 26 years ago. Starting at least 10 years earlier, he had become innured to social networking, corporate entertainment budgets which encouraged surreptitious double dating, and enless \\”get togethers/tweet-ups\\” with female business acquaintances who were \\”passing through town\\” and (when I finally gained access to some of their emails) frankly admitted that they had no actual business to discuss. After our youngest graduated from high school, I filed for divorce. He appears to be unaffected and continues to flirt with an endless parade of \\”professional\\” women.

    Our 26 year marriage has ended in indescribable pain for me, depression, discouragement, financial ruin for everyone and a miserable model of dysfunctional marriage for our children. Dear reader, the fact that those who rejected Mr. Neuman’s advice have seen their marriage dissolve and those who (you’ll see among the reviews posted here) paid attention and employed Mr. Newman’s wise suggestions have enjoyed a renewed love and thriving marriage tells you what you need to know. This book is well worth the investment of a few dollars for Mr. Neuman’s wisdom, but the real value of this volume is in its application!as ended in indescribable pain for me, depression, discouragement, financial ruin for everyone and a miserable model of dysfunctional marriage for our children. Dear reader, the fact that those who rejected Mr. Neuman’s advice have seen their marriage dissolve and those who (you’ll see among the reviews posted here) paid attention and employed Mr. Newman’s wise suggestions have enjoyed a renewed love and thriving marriage tells you what you need to know. This book is well worth the investment of a few dollars for Mr. Neuman’s wisdom, but the real value of this volume is in its application!

12. Guest says

    November 4, 2007 at 12:00 am

    a great book, a must read for everyone who has thought about marriage or is in a marriage.

13. Guest says

    May 19, 2007 at 12:00 am

    Emotional Infidelity focuses on strengthening and healing marriages, but it helped me through the first two years of accepting and healing after my ex-husband’s multiple emotional and physical workplace affairs. I purchased this book the day after I found out about my ex’s last affair. Hindsight is 20/20, and the scenarios in this book were a blueprint of the last 2 years of my marriage: phone calls at home from \\”co-workers\\”, working late at the office, and driving to the office in the middle of the night to take care of \\”security alarm\\” calls. I read several books to help get through the painful breakup, and Emotional Infidelity was the most insighful and practical book on emotional (and physical) affairs I found. My marriage was over, but reading the book encouraged me to focus on my own strength without my ex.

14. Guest says

    November 8, 2006 at 12:00 am

    i enjoy learning more about the jewish faith and jesus christ, so I loved it. It’s a must read and you must have your KJV bible along side you to understand the material.

15. Guest says

    September 14, 2005 at 12:00 am

    As per me The book is the best on the subject. What more can I say than Thanking the Author. Mr. Gary Neuman.

16. Guest says

    August 20, 2005 at 12:00 am

    I think this book promotes an unhealthy expectation of marriage. The author’s only defense is to keep repeating \\”Why are you so defensive?\\” when he mentions his ideas. As a married woman, I think it is important for couples to have space, other friends, and the freedom to enjoy life in whatever way makes them happy. This does not take energy away from a marriage- it gives more energy to it.
    He says that you shouldn’t joke or ask advice or basically have any conversations with anyone of the opposite sex because you should be saving all your conversations for your spouse. Well maybe my spouse doesn’t get those kinds of jokes or doesn’t know the subject I’m asking about. I’m supposed to deny those parts of me. I’m supposed to have a boring time at work and not talk to anyone. He must be a pretty dull person to not have enough conversation for more than one person, because I can talk to a coworker, and (gasp) I can still have a conversation with my husband when I get home!
    Let’s say you like to play chess and your spouse does not. Are you supposed to give up playing chess, or is it so horrible to play chess with someone outside your marriage? You won’t be able to get your spouse to be everything you want, and it’s not good to believe that you can change someone into what you want.
    I do have friends outside my marriage. I even have male friends. My husband does not care. You know why? Because he’s not pathetically insecure like this author. It’s not wrong to have coffee with a coworker. I think it’s more wrong to be so controlling that you find a cup of coffee to be a betrayal. It is immature to think that every time you smile at someone it could lead to an affair, or that you can relate to your spouse in every way and don’t need anyone else.
    The idea that spending time with someone else takes energy away? That sounds a little cultish to me, as if you have to focus 100 percent of your time and attention. You’re having marital problems, so thesolution is to stop having friends or pleasant conversations with coworkers? That’s supposed to make you happier? I suppose he thinks if two people don’t get along, you should lock them in a room together and suddenly they’ll be in harmony. I don’t think so! They’ll probably be ready to kill each other! Maybe it works for him, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near working for every couple. For many it will be forcing something that just doesn’t fit.
    I think that if you shut yourself off from the world, you may be more likely to want out. You could feel more isolated and if it doesn’t work out, you won’t have anyone to turn to. I think this book also gives fuel to anyone with pathological jealousy.
    He even admits that he doesn’t shake hands with other women. He says he is a rabbi, but he sounds like he’d be more comfortable in an Islamic Fundamentalist society where men and women are kept separate.

17. Guest says

    September 7, 2004 at 12:00 am

    If you do, then you should read this book.
    If you do not, then you should read this book.
    If you are married and happy, you should read this book.
    If you are married and unhappy, you should read this book.
    If you are single and happy, you should read this book.
    If you are single and unhappy, you should read this book.
    There are many self help and relationship books available, some are great, some not so great, and not many are as versatile as this one.
    Reading this book has been one of the most enlightning experiences of my life…inspirational, thought prevoking, and at times a little "off the page", but not totally radical…quite frankly the concepts make so much sense that you wonder how you weren’t able to figure them out yourself…it’s the first book that has helped me help myself, and of course in so doing it has helped my relationship. I would say that it is a book that most of us can relate to, there are many examples and situations that happen to us all each and every day that are reviewed and discussed. I specifically say reviewed and discussed because the approach is less clinical and analysing then most relationship books and therefore helps you to see things thru focus and feeling, as apposed to analyze and blame.
    This is ultimately a journey into learning and understanding yourself, and your partner, as individuals and as a couple.
    Do yourself the favour of reading something unconventional yet not extreme…..it’s for the rest of us……those of us who believe in fairytales, but understand that we write our own stories, and each chapter is ours to treasure.

18. Guest says

    October 31, 2002 at 12:00 am

    Somewhere near the front of the book, Mr. Neuman proudly discusses how he keeps his own marriage safe and sanctified by never doing more with a woman he encounters or works with than shaking her hand (and he avoids that if possible). No conversation, no friendship, no comradery. I thought his advice to do no more than shake the hands of your opposite-sex coworkers to be very unrealistic, with much of the rest of the advice. If the only way to \\”save\\” your marriage is to avoid 50% of the population & workforce, you and your marriage are WEAK!